Sacred Sunday: The Power of Being Still
How you can reconnect with yourself and find happiness within by being still in your storm.
When I started The Divine Vitality, I wanted to provide answers to questions that I once was searching for myself. The main question I had was how to stop chasing happiness and find it within. I learned that sometimes the hardest thing to do is simple, and all you need is dedication to do it.
BACKGROUND
The years 2016 to 2020 were the toughest for me by far. I experienced multiple drug-induced psychotic states that would last for weeks. I'd wake up and feel like my reality was imaginary and it was terrifying. I’ve since learned that I was experiencing a dissociative order called derealization as well as several manic episodes.
Dissociative disorders involve problems with memory, identity, emotion, perception, behavior, and sense of self. They are frequently associated with previous experiences of trauma.
During these altered experiences the person is aware of reality and that their experience is unusual. The experience is very distressful, even though the person may appear to be unreactive or lacking emotion. Source: Psychiatry.org
I was later diagnosed with high-functioning depression and anxiety, basically meaning that I “hid my symptoms well” which is why it went undetected. I believe I had been subconsciously masking my whole life and only when it was too much to handle, did I notice my “mask” starting to fall off.
I lacked a strong sense of self and solid boundaries growing up. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the best daughter, the best big sister, and a great student. I followed the rules, did all the extracurriculars, met the expectations set for me, and was deemed the “golden child”. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone and continued to aim for that golden status even if it meant leaning farther and farther away from the most authentic version of myself. Finding stillness is what helped me reconnect with who Jordan truly is, not who she should be.
THE IMPORTANCE OF STILLNESS
Learning how to be still was critical to undoing all the conditioning I had undergone throughout my childhood. This conditioning is normal; we enter the world pure and untouched, and then we leave it molded by our environments and experiences. Your childhood is the key to unpacking a lot of unhealed issues that can manifest in adulthood because 9 times out of 10 you cannot find your healing outside of you. External factors can ease the journey, but the work still has to be done within.
At the end of 2022, something internally clicked (probably my brain completing its development). I was going to be turning 25 in the new year and didn’t want to repeat the past few years of stagnation and victimization. I had to stop running from my problems and chasing after solutions that were only bandaids for a wound that needed rehabilitation. I decided 2023 was the year of breaking self-sabotaging habits and I want to share with you how you can do the same.
DOING THE INTERNAL WORK
One method I learned from the Slay Girl Slay podcast by Ashley Leggs, is starting with a self-inventory list.
Write down all the qualities and habits you have that you like about yourself, admire in others, and lastly, want to change. This inventory requires deep introspection and accountability. I remember it being difficult at first because I was simultaneously on the journey of building self-love, which I thought was the opposite of wanting to change myself. Elicia Goguen touches on this topic in her podcast The Glow Up Secrets; that sometimes we believe having self-love means accepting every part of ourselves without changing them, but that’s not exactly how it works. Self-acceptance does not mean you can’t self-improve. Change is a natural part of growth, so don’t hinder that process by being in a state of denial.
My inventory of negative habits looked similar to this:
Attention seeking
Codependency
Picky eating
Controlled by my emotions
Not being active
Victimization
Isolating when I want to connect
People pleasing/living my life according to others
Take stock of where you hold yourself back, but avoid shaming your faults. A lot of self-sabotaging habits are built out of comfort, self-soothing, and protection. Protection from fear of the unknown, or the repetition of past traumatic experiences. Changing yourself from a place of shame or self-hate only promotes harmful methods of healing. Nurture your mind and body instead of punishing them. Give yourself the compassion, love, and grace you’d give to your younger self who didn’t know any better.
Tell yourself that it’s OKAY; thank your mind and body for the work it’s attempting to do and just redirect it. For example, I had to accept that wanting attention is natural; babies want it, pets want it, and human adults want it too. Receiving attention from others is what builds connection and community; it’s how we feel validated, loved, and accepted. As social creatures, it’s inherent to want these things because they regulate our nervous system.
Creating this inventory opened my eyes to the root of my problems. Slowly but surely, I’ve been working through my list and becoming the highest version of myself. You might also hear this practice being called shadow work, a type of psychotherapy first developed by psychoanalyst Carl Jung.
MY METHODS OF HEALING
These are methods and practices I follow when practicing moments of stillness, but feel free to get creative and choose what fits your growth journey best!
I’ve mentioned how I use astrology to analyze myself but another method I discovered is human design. According to certified analyst Lynette Hagins, “Human Design offers a map, or a manual, that indicates how you are unique as a person, and guides you in living in a manner that is in sync with who you are. When we live in alignment with our true nature, we begin to experience a level of comfort and acceptance for who we are, instead of chasing who we are not—and we’re able to live out our real purpose in the world.” Similar to astrology, human design uses your birth date, time, and location to generate a chart like this:
Source: Jovian Archive
I’m a generator meaning I’m here to respond to my environment. Further validation that I am not meant to chase, but rather to attract and decide the best use of my energy. My inner authority is my emotions, meaning when someone tells me I should follow my head instead of my heart they are technically wrong. My feelings are what best guides me. This was also a reminder for me to lean more into my feminine energy; moving with the flow of life and embracing my creativity and emotions.
I started saying no and having more intentional alone time; no to unnecessary spending, no to dating, no to fake friendships, no to being in environments that drained my energy, etc. I even reached out to my closest friends to warn them of my impending isolation since that habit is usually tied to my depressive episodes. I just needed more time alone to break my codependent habits and to feel comfortable living by my own standards. I’m still working on not overexplaining AND over-apologizing but the best thing to do is to set your boundaries and leave them there. Prioritize yourself, not the opinions of others. Know that people who don't respect your boundaries or want you to change them only want control. Those who love and care for you will understand and support you if it’s in your best interest.
Meditation. I was against it at first, but there truly is a multitude of benefits. As a method of reflection, it can be valuable during the process of breaking self-sabotaging habits. I like to find a comfortable place to sit or lie down, close my eyes, and start with deep breathing. I subsequently complete a body scan and focus on releasing any tension I have. You can also focus on sounds or continue to focus on your breathing. I suggest taking this time to go back to your childhood, visualize the younger you, and ask yourself how you got here. What significant events do you remember? Were you sad or happy in your childhood? Validate them, hug them, and tell them it’s okay because you’re going to take care of them. This essentially is a small but meaningful way to give yourself the attention, validation, and love you might seek from others.
When I meditate I also listen to frequency music to align my brain waves. According to professional musician, author, and professor Jim Donovan, “numerous studies have explored the therapeutic effects of sound—especially vocal sound exercises on the human body. Sound frequencies can induce decreased stress, which may influence moods, enhance meditation, improve sleep patterns, and even promote faster healing.”
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Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browserThis also goes hand in hand with changing the media that you take in. I will take breaks from listening to sad or violent music, visiting gossip sites, and watching negative television shows or movies; sometimes even avoiding the news. I don’t want to give my brain the chance to attract any more negativity into my life.
I also reassess the people I interact with and why. Having discernment is important because your environment and the people you socialize with can build up or tear down your self-image. This applies to family, friends, coworkers, romantic partners, and strangers alike. No one is guaranteed to treat you with the respect, dignity, care, or love you deserve. I struggled with feeling like I was “too much”, too loud, emotional, sensitive, silly, and ditzy. But now I see myself as a passionate, young-hearted, emotionally intelligent, and vulnerable young woman because I started spending time with people who saw my “flaws” as strengths; not something to judge and degrade, but to accept and praise. You don’t always need to change yourself, sometimes you just need to change your environment.
The last major one I’ll mention is replacing unhealthy habits with healthier ones. Instead of hobbies that harm your body or mind, nurture them by being active, having a balanced diet, and strengthening your mind and emotions. Here’s a list of things I now love to do that you can try:
Being in nature: hiking or going for a walk
A gym session or at-home session with an easy-to-follow YouTube video (I love PilatesBodyRaven)
Cooking (I make sure to steer away from pasta sometimes since I’m obsessed)
Reading
Meditating
Journaling
Learn/research a new hobby or passion: new language, gardening, and coloring
Skincare routines/spa day at home
These habits helped me build appreciation and respect for my body and mind, as well as discover hobbies that I enjoy.
Take some time alone to discover yourself; your likes and dislikes, desires, boundaries, and habits. Building a strong foundation within yourself makes it difficult for anyone or anything else to define or break you.
I can thankfully say that I’m the happiest I’ve been in years, and despite all the struggles I still encounter, I’ve only come out stronger, more resilient, and more in tune with myself. I’ve found the intrinsic motivation to push through whenever my external world seems to be falling apart. The best thing I ever did for myself was to learn how to be still and I will forever be thankful for that.