Sacred Sunday: Healing Resurfacing Resentments and Reclaiming Reciprocity
Navigating Shadow Work and Healing Past Wounds with the Influence of the Upcoming Lunar Eclipse in Virgo This Pisces Season.
I don't know how March is treating you so far, but for me, Pisces season has been a mix of confronting illusions and unraveling emotions I thought I'd left behind. It feels like I'm seeing through the fog to recognize things that have been buried for too long—resentment, frustration, and unresolved pain. But these emotions aren't resurfacing randomly. They're coming up because we're being given the opportunity to face them head-on, in the way that best supports our healing and growth.
For many of us, these emotions are tied to the cycles we’re currently working to break. When something unwanted or triggering reappears in our lives, it’s normal to feel anger and frustration. We thought we’d moved past it, but this is spirit’s way of giving us the chance to finally let it go for good.
As we approach the Lunar Eclipse in Virgo (March 13th at 11:54 PM PT / March 14th at 2:54 AM EST), the South Node is pulling up remnants from the past to show us what needs to be fully released so we can move forward. According to my Chani newsletter, “This eclipse highlights the communication patterns, everyday habits, health regimens, and perfectionist tendencies that are ready for a reset.” It’s a time to reevaluate routines and let go of anything unsustainable or unaligned. This is the first South Node eclipse in Virgo since September 2008. What were you learning back then? How have you grown? What needs to be fully released so you can move forward and continue your journey?
If you’re like me, with your natal North Node in Virgo, this energy is about stepping into practicality, grounding, and using your discernment to clear away the fog. It’s about moving toward clarity, service, and self-improvement rather than remaining caught up in dreamy or avoidant tendencies. This Lunar Eclipse is urging you to look at what might be holding you back from fully stepping into the Virgo energy of growth, healing, and self-sufficiency. It’s calling for you to release old emotional patterns and habits (particularly those that come with Piscean energy, like escapism or ignoring the tangible aspects of life) so that you can embrace the disciplined, organized, and grounded aspects of Virgo that align with your soul’s higher purpose.
Pisces season is forcing us to face emotions that we thought we’d dealt with, but it’s also providing us the space to do the work now, on our terms. Change is coming.
I purposely wanted to shift my mindset and even this blog away from complaining, but I guess that wouldn’t be very vulnerable or authentic of me right now because I’ve felt so consumed by these feelings that I, too, thought I had already dealt with. But I didn’t. I just tried to push it off because the closure, accountability, and validation I wanted from others weren’t coming. So I thought it’d be best to just silently try to forgive and move on without actually dealing with how that made me feel even worse. Especially when I know the energy I’ve been picking up between some people and me is not being made up. It’s still actively present, and something needs to be done about it.
For me, my frustrations were very clearly communicated in a Reddit thread I came across that put a lot of what I’m currently feeling into words: “I feel so burnt out constantly trying to meet another person where they're at, knowing I’m not getting it in return.”
That’s it—that’s the frustration. Not just in romantic relationships, but with friends, family, and even my past self. Long before I understood what being an empath meant, I was already living it—not just as an adult or teenager, but as a child. I don’t think the people around me recognized the extent of it, but I was always extending grace, absorbing others' emotions, and trying to fix or nurture their struggles. I parentified myself without realizing it, and after 26 years of this, I’m just exhausted.
And Jillian hit the nail on the head. I know I can still work on meeting people where they are, especially in terms of not pushing my expectations onto them. I have high expectations and can be pretty judgmental, but the real issue here is the lack of reciprocity when I’m not doing so.
Actually, I take it back. I don’t have high expectations. I just expect people to do their part, the bare minimum. You know…basic effort. Be a good parent, we didn’t ask to be born, so show up for your children. Be a good friend, be genuine, and don’t make it a competition. Be a good romantic partner, be intentional, and don’t play games with their heart. Just TRY!
I’ve spent my life excusing people’s treatment of me because I knew it was likely part of cycles they hadn’t yet broken free from—cycles they’d endured. Or maybe it was their age, and they just needed time to grow. Or perhaps it was that I just needed to know they were trying their best, so I’d convince myself to be grateful that I wasn’t being treated worse. But none of that means I had to—and still don’t have to—keep enduring it.
Sometimes, meeting someone where they’re at is no longer an option if it’s hurting you—especially at our big age. It becomes a matter of conscious choices that people consistently make and you consistently choose to receive. I’ve stretched myself so thin, offering patience, grace, and understanding, often at the expense of my own well-being. I’ve literally been “empathetic to my own detriment” as the OP of the reddit thread said.
I reflected on this with my therapist recently, recalling a situation that stood out. A few months ago, I was dating someone deeply wounded by unhealed pain, and his self-hatred shaped how he treated me. We had trauma-bonded years ago, and he used my ability to hold space for his darkness as permission to keep unloading it on me. He wasn’t malicious, but he was blind to how triggering his deflection of his issues was for me.
Whenever I pointed out his anger, issues with drinking, or how his toxic childhood was still affecting him, he’d explode in rage, yelling at me under the guise of "passion." It would only stop once I cried from fear or frustration, or if I yelled back just to get him to understand that his behavior wasn’t healthy for me. I found myself trapped in a cycle of verbal abuse, excusing it with grace and compassion for his past.
The red flags were impossible to ignore, and I knew I couldn’t let myself be pushed past the boundaries I had worked so hard to build. The moment I started fearing him, I knew it was time to leave. He could be sweet, but as soon as I pointed out his unhealthy behavior, the tenderness turned cold and hollow. Instead of reflecting on himself, he’d turn the blame on me, saying, “You’re not perfect either. Why don’t you focus on your issues instead of mine?”
I do. That's the point.
I go to therapy. I take accountability. I am self-aware, and I use that awareness to continue growing. My flaws weren’t even an active issue in our relationship—his refusal to acknowledge his own was. And yet, he still wanted more. More grace, more patience, more understanding—as if I hadn’t already given it in ABUNDANCE. Because again, this wasn’t our first rodeo together, but it will be our last.
Here’s what my therapist reminded me: Grace and understanding do not mean sacrificing yourself. They do not mean putting yourself in harm’s way or waiting for people to catch up to your growth. You don't even have to be involved with them. Understanding is simply that—understanding. And I have done that, for years. So yes, right now I'm tired of being asked for more.
I have spent so much of my life making sure others feel okay, justifying their behavior, and excusing their mistreatment of me because I understood them. I understood their past, I understood how they were made to feel, and even as a child, I wanted to give people grace. Most of all, I didn't want to cause problems or be the problem. I’ve always just wanted peace, internally and externally. But understanding isn’t an obligation to allow people to manipulate you or treat you unfairly and not even own up to it or apologize. I was mistaking my ability to hold space for other people’s flaws as a reason to tolerate treatment I shouldn’t have. And now, I’m done with that. And it's been clearly coming out through the anger and resentment of what I guess I’m currently healing now, my inner teenager.
Natija, a tarot reader I love, posed these questions in a recent video of hers, also explaining the effects of this cosmic influence.
If you don’t watch, these are some of the questions that may have been coming up for you at this time:
Why did it seem like people demanded to misunderstand me?
Why was it so hard for people to apologize to me?
Why was it so hard for people to take accountability for their manipulation or unfair treatment of me?
How am I supposed to forgive and move on when people won’t own up to their shit?
The answer? You don’t need their accountability to move forward. Spirit is bringing these things up to show you that you deserved better, you still deserve better, and justice is coming for you. It’s not about hyper-focusing on the hurt but about recovering from unreciprocal connections, narcissists, energy vampires—people who benefited from misunderstanding you or making you feel misunderstood. People who thrived off your confusion, who manipulated your energy, who left you feeling abandoned and rejected, even if they were still physically around.
Spirit is making sure we don’t carry dead weight into the next chapter. It’s okay to let go. It’s okay to feel frustrated, angry, and tired. It’s okay to demand more for yourself. And it’s okay to stop waiting for people to meet YOU where you are.
Have you ever heard how easy it is for someone to pull you down to their level compared to you pulling them up to yours? Watch this lesson from a wise uncle:
This isn’t to say we need to look at ourselves as above others; we all have things to work through, but some of us are making the choice to do so, and others aren’t. It’s about recognizing your worth, your value, and protecting that when you feel someone taking advantage of your kindness, empathy, and understanding.
As you work through past resentments, especially those tied to unreciprocal relationships, start by communicating your feelings and setting clear boundaries, if the other person is open to it. However, if they’re avoiding accountability, refusing to own up to their actions, or trying to manipulate the situation to their advantage, don’t force a conversation. Some people will try to make you feel guilty or selfish and shift the blame onto you for standing up for yourself—don’t fall for it. You do deserve an explanation, an apology, and effort, but that doesn’t mean people will give them to you, especially when they’re grappling with their own issues. Sometimes, people avoid these conversations and the truth because it’s convenient for them. They might already know they’re in the wrong, so it’s best to leave them to deal with that guilt on their own.
In these situations, stepping back or distancing yourself may be necessary for your peace. Focus on healing through self-compassion, journaling, or energy-clearing practices. Remember, forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing the behavior—it means freeing yourself from carrying its weight. Whether you address the issue together or apart, the goal is to reclaim your peace and create space for healthier, more reciprocal connections. You deserve relationships that pour into you as much as you pour into them. And if you haven’t found that yet, trust that you will💛
Tips on Navigating This Eclipse Energy From Chani:
Expect the unexpected. Leave room in your schedule for shifts and surprises.
Avoid making major decisions from March 13th-29th. Eclipse energy is volatile.
Journal about your routines, habits, and where things feel misaligned.
Assess the balance of energy you give vs. what you receive—what needs to change?
Notice where perfectionism and self-criticism are holding you back. Be kinder to yourself.
Cleanse your space. Virgo energy thrives on purification and organization.
Prioritize rest and small acts of comfort.
Embrace change. Take note of what’s ending and what’s beginning.
Revisit past lessons—what was happening for you in 2008? How far have you come?
Work through emotions intentionally—use guided meditations, journal prompts, or rituals.
Trust that whatever is being removed from your life is clearing space for something better.
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