Sacred Sunday: Confessions of An Empath Part 2

Reflecting on lessons learned in love.

It’s cuffing Libra season again, and love is in the air!

I’ve always considered myself a lover girl, someone who thrives on giving and receiving love. And even with all the romantic connections I’ve made lately, my love life has felt more like an emotional rollercoaster than anything else.

Upon completing chapter 4 of Judith Orloff M.D.’s The Empath’s Survival Guide, I’ve come to realize that as an empath, and more specifically a relationship empath, my emotional and romantic experiences have been more complex than I ever gave them credit for.

A big lesson I’ve learned this year has been that love isn’t always easy. It’s challenging and often triggering, which can be overwhelming for someone like me. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth fighting for.

So, if you’re a relationship empath as well, or if you want a better understanding of how to support one in your life, then this post is for you.

Growing up without the best examples of love, I turned to the idealistic versions found in books, songs, and movies. Was that naive? Maybe. But everyone’s definition of love will be different. I don’t think it’s that much of a stretch to find someone who values romance, emotional connection, and all the other things I do within a relationship.

My biggest concern is attaining better discernment to find the right "one" for me. I’ve come to accept that it may take me longer than I’d originally hoped. At the age of ten, I planned on being married by the age of 25, which was last year—but that’s okay.

Orloff mentions that empaths often end up single, divorced, or separated, which is a deep fear of mine. But I’m hopeful that by continuing to respect myself and staying true to my character, I’ll attract the love I’ve always dreamed of—no matter how idealistic, naive, or delusional that may seem. I’d rather take my time and be sure than rush into a future that isn’t meant for me.

Even if every situation I find myself in starts with me rushing…

My Search For A Soulmate

The Empath’s Challenge: Stop getting attached to the emotionally unavailable

Empaths often become attached to the wrong people because they see their “potential” and want to bring out the best in them.

That’s why empaths may often choose unavailable people.

…empaths may have online relationships that never manifest or pick people who are ambivalent about love and give mixed messages…

…but the feelings might be from another time and place, as those who believe in past lives would say.

As my mom says, I tend to make people my world—whether it’s a new friend or romantic interest. I get consumed by them, partly due to weak boundaries and my habit of focusing on their potential rather than reality.

I cling to relationships for comfort, craving a space where I can be my true self. When I find that, it feels almost addictive because it’s so rare. But eventually, I begin altering my authenticity to keep their attention.

My first long-term relationship strongly reflected this.

It felt like we were star-crossed lovers, or what some would call a twin flame or karmic relationship—Interestingly enough, when I recently looked at my birth chart, my Vertex, representing significant life encounters, is at 18 degrees of Aquarius in my 6th house. That deeply aligns with the ways in which this relationship affected my daily life and habits in the long term, as well as the fact that we met at the age of 18.

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We met twice by coincidence, first when I rang his jeans up at work and later at a pool party before classes started. Our friend groups eventually mingled, and two relationships developed that day, including ours. From there, it seemed perfect—nightly walks to my dorm, sleepovers, meeting his mom, and making home-cooked dinners. It was everything I thought love should be, until it wasn’t.

Beneath the surface, it was built on emotional unavailability. I had an anxious attachment style, and my partner was a classic avoidant. Once things would get too intimate, he’d pull away, leaving me feeling unchosen and small, triggering my abandonment wounds. Instead of respecting myself and taking my energy where it was better reciprocated, I stayed and made myself smaller. I ignored my needs and tried silencing my frustrations, thinking that if I changed, he’d finally meet me halfway.

Instead, my resentment grew, and I became avoidant myself, caught in a cycle of running and chasing after each other for 7 years. The codependency was real.

Looking back, I realized we were just attached to the ideas of who we wanted each other to be. I wanted to be chosen instead of being the girl who was asking for too much, doing too much, and being too much by simply asking for the same treatment I had received before. It was all a painful lesson in detachment, no matter how strong the initial connection felt.

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The Empath’s Challenge: Balance alone time with partner time

“new relationship addicts”…enjoy the high of the honeymoon phase in a relationship but leave when intimacy sets in because it feels too overwhelming.

…if I’m around someone too much, I become overstimulated. The person will get on my nerves, and I’ll start to feel anxious.

Empaths are sensitive, intuitive, and caring, but since we’re also shock absorbers with finely tuned nervous systems, we can react strongly.

My second boyfriend was attentive, generous, and sweet, nurturing me in ways I hadn’t received before. Because I had just transferred schools and lacked friends, I became overly dependent on him and lost my sense of self. Another case of codependency. Except this one left me feeling overwhelmed—something I previously called "catching the ick."

I started absorbing all of his anxiety and depression as he went through major transitions in his life. It made me irritable and distant, and I became more of a caretaker than a girlfriend.

I honestly just wanted and needed space. I didn’t want to be touched; I hated hearing the sound of him chewing, and I often had to physically walk away to find mental and emotional ease. But I misread the signs, thinking my anxiety and discomfort was my body telling me to abandon ship… so I did.

We tried reconnecting later, but the same patterns were repeated. We even worked together for a while, but one day he stopped showing up, and I never heard from him again. It was a tough time—I felt guilty for not being able to support him better, but now I understand my low threshold for sensory overload in relationships.

I’ve become more comfortable being alone, and in the end, I recognized that we still weren’t the right match. Honestly, I was more torn up about not seeing my dog.

At least now I know what to do if that happens again in the future.

The Empath’s Challenge: Have patience and better discernment.

The right love relationship empowers empaths. Being valued and adored makes us more grounded. When empaths have an emotionally available partner who honors their sensitivities, they feel secure and supported.

…whether a relationship lasts two months, two years, two decades, or a lifetime, it has the ability to teach us to open our hearts and heal wounds in ourselves.

Consideration and tolerance are essential. Empaths will thrive in partnerships where these qualities are a priority and authentic communication is the goal.

Since then, I’ve spent more time understanding how my body communicates with me in relationships.

I used to think working on myself alone would solve everything, but some triggers need to be addressed with a partner. Relationships will trigger and mirror your unhealed problems. That makes them seem difficult, but it doesn’t mean they’re necessarily wrong for you. Love is about choosing to work through those challenges together and growing through them, not expecting perfection.

I’m also learning to stand by my values and boundaries. To attract the right person, I have to push past the fear of showing up as my authentic self. I value deep emotional connections, vulnerability, honesty, and mutual care. I want to be poured into as much as I pour into others.

Since learning to stand by these boundaries, I’ve noticed an immediate and significant shift in the people I attract— they all seem like “the one” now. Which brings me to my next lesson: having the patience to see if there’s consistency in their actions.

These new encounters often show the emotional care and alignment I desire in the beginning, mirroring my first relationship. But I tend to ignore red flags and naively fall for love bombing, confusing lust with genuine connection. I used to think it was normal for people to get obsessed with me quickly (hello, I’m a Leo), but I’ve realized that doesn’t mean it’s real or lasting, and a lot of people have banked on me not understanding that.

After the first few months, their actions and words will stop aligning. I’ll be gaslit into thinking that nothing’s changed, but my body feels the sting of the shift. However, that’s when I’ll be breadcrumbed into continuing my end of affection, effort, and care. Not anymore.

I recognize now how this was me attracting energy vampires—people who seem perfect at first but drain me over time. They’re attracted to us just as much as we are to them. We love to pour into their emotional unavailability and they love to receive that. All they have to do is act right for a few months and we’re WHIPPED. Game over.

But I’m not falling for it anymore. I’m passing these tests one by one and moving closer to my aligned counterpart. Being a lover girl can be painful and frustrating, but I’ll never change who I am, or the ways in which I love. The most fulfilling reason why is that I know there is someone out there who is looking for me and wants to love me exactly the way I desire.

That’s enough for me to keep going, and I hope it is for you too.

Have a lovely Libra season,

Jordan💛